I pressed the fire control… and ahead of me rockets blazed through the sky…
 No sooner had I popped a decomposed pigeon heart in an envelope and scrawled FAO Chris Foy on the side with my own blood, (actually it was just red biro- I’m not a monster) I’m hearing word that Tottenham are ready to set off a dirty great rocket under their wage ceiling to sign facially challenged frontman, Carlos Tevez. For twenty million of your English pounds, no less. Well, certainly no less, but quite probably a whole lot more.
Here, just off the top of my head, are some reasons why this sounds rather fanciful: 1) Man City won’t sell him to us. I’m pretty sure loaning out Adebayor wasn’t one of the smartest moves in their transfer history and it’s...